It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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