I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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