i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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