ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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