It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
