So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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