we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
