That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
