No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
