we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
