i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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