Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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