hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The air was thick with penises
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
