It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
