...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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