East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
