So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
