There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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