dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
