IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
