wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
