I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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