ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
