we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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