And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
