I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
