Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
