I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Girls should come with a carfax report
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
