i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
