He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
