What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
