I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
