Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
