Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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