So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
