I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
