strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
