whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
