And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
