dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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