I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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