What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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