Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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