This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I think your dad took our porno
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
