you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
