On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
