i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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