we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
