mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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