The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just googled if crying burns calories
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
