Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
God, I missed his penis.
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