Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
