her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
