so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
