I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
