dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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