Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
