im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
